Here at WorldCon, I’ve been staying at the Marriott Riverwalk. It’s a … um … 30 or so stories? … building, and our room is … shall we say … pretty high up. When we arrived, they upgraded our room for free to one with a balcony, and I thought, “Ooh! Goodie! I’m a-gonna sit out there!” I had visions of sitting in a wicker chair with my feet up, netbook in my lap, composing stunning prose whilst gazing at the San Antonio skyline.
The San Antonio skyline is there. The wicker chair is there. I’m not there, because OH MY GAWD!!! All that’s between me and a sheer, fatal drop is a narrow railing. Made of steel. But there are SPACES in it! And RAGING HURRICANE-FORCE WINDS (according to Google, the current wind blows at 6MPH, but I’m sure you know not to believe everything you read on the internet) — *cough* As I was saying, the RAGING HURRICANE-FORCE WINDS are SURELY going to suck me right over — or maybe through — that railing TO MY DOOM!
The first night here, I screamed like a girl and ran back inside. To be honest, I’m not sure if I ran. I might have scuttled. Since then, the blackout curtains have been closed. The decorative sheers have been closed. Because if they’re NOT closed, I shall SURELY get sucked right off the bed, through the sliding glass doors, across the balcony, and over (or maybe through) the railing. I am, as it were, pretending the balcony isn’t there, with all the power of imagination at my disposal. Which is not inconsiderable. So far, gravity has NOT turned sideways and dumped me out of my hotel room to my death, so it must be working, but I think a couple of times it’s been a near thing.
“But Miss Christie, what about passenger jets–“
Oh shoosh you. Troublemaker!
*cough* As I was saying. I’m still here, so something is working. Gravity goes THIS way *points down*, not THAT way *points out the window*. I’m over here, so I can’t fall down over there. *gets dizzy*
Perhaps I shouldn’t think about that too hard.
I am never, no never, not ever, staying in a room higher than I absolutely must EVER AGAIN, and certainly never with a balcony. If I have to sleep FIVE THOUSAND FEET OFF THE GROUND, a freaking wall is going to have to get blown away first before I am sucked to my death. No upgrade next time, thankyouverymuch. *inches away from the sliding glass doors*
“But Miss Christie, passenger jets fly at–“
Acrophobia? *blink* Why, what makes you think I have acrophobia? *blink* *blink*